Movies as code

<?php

switch($character) {
    case 'sweet':
        $eminem = 'chocolate candy';
    break;
    case 'bitter':
        $eminem = 'rapper';
    break;
}

if(TRAILER_ROCKIN && !EMINEM_KNOCKIN) {
    $mom = 'whore';
}

$male_best_friends = array();

if(in_array($brittany_murphy, $male_best_friends)) {
    $girl_friend = 'whore';
}

if($mom == 'whore' || $girl_friend == 'whore') {
    $eminem = 'pissed';
}

if($eminem == 'pissed') {
    $rap = 'inspired';
}

$eminem_rounds = 0;
foreach($rap_rounds as $key => $rap_round) {
    $opponent_rap = $free_world_members[$key];
    if($eminem_rap > $opponent_rap) {
        $eminem_rounds += 1;
    }
}

if($eminem_rounds == 3) {
    $end_film = true;
}

if(date('Y') == '2012' && !isset($brittany_murphy)) {
    $brittany_murphy = null;
    die();
}